What other kind of intro can we expect at this point? I found this over on The Caffeinated Fangirl and had to try it for myself. I cheated, however, and used my first and middle name instead of my last, because I couldn’t think of any characters who jived with the letters in it. It’s only wrong if you get caught.
N – Norman Bates (Psycho film). Don’t judge me. He’s Anthony Perkins. Part of the brilliance of that movie is that he’s actually quite sympathetic. If one can overlook the murdering young women and dressing up as his own mother, that is.
A – Agent Coulson (the Avengers movies). Yes, I went there. Everyone knows his first name is Agent, anyway. Coulson does his best to do his job no matter what, even when nothing makes sense and aliens are raining from the sky. It doesn’t do him any good, of course, but he tries.
T – Tully Pettigrew (The Rat Patrol TV series). Magnificent hair, 60 lines in two years, and an endless supply of matchsticks. He’s the best moonshiner in North Africa and says more with an expression than most people can with a whole essay.
A – Artemus Gordon (The Wild Wild West TV series). I don’t actually like this show, and I can’t stand Jim West, but I love Artemus for the express purpose that he puts up with Jim West, and few can. It helps that he’s played by Ross Martin, easily one of the most talented actors ever to grace the screen.
L – Loki (the Avengers movies). Bad guy? Yes. Good guy? Also yes. Sometimes you just need a chaotic neutral in your life, and he certainly delivers. I could listen to him read the phonebook all the livelong day.
I – Illya Kuryakin (The Man From U.N.C.L.E. TV series). Honestly, who doesn’t like Illya? He’s suave, gallant, played by David McCallum, and can carry out his missions while cleaning up Solo’s messes at the same time.
E – Ethan Hunt (the Mission: Impossible movies). If it’s insane and possibly fatal, he’ll do it. This may ruffle the feathers of a certain logic-lover played by Jeremy Renner, but it gets the job done. Plus he does his own stunts. Hence the “possibly fatal”.
A – Ant-Man (the Avengers movies). Can we do this? We’re doing this. I have too many A’s and not enough given names to fill them with. Technically he’s Scott Lang, but we’ll ignore that. He’s a father who’ll do anything for his daughter, including dressing up in stupid outfits and committing grand larceny.
B – Brandt (the Mission: Impossible movies.) Brandt is capable, dangerous, and smart as a whip. At the end of the day, however, he is still a hopeless disciple of methodical logic, which is why he doesn’t always get along with certain people played by Tom Cruise.
I – Ian Malcolm (the Jurassic Park movies). Geeky, awkward, too smart to know how to express it, and very nice to look at in all-black. I don’t think I’d care two beans for him if he wasn’t Jeff Goldblum, but then who would?
G – Gil Hanley/Gil Favor (Combat! TV series/Rawhide TV series). I know, I know. It’s just supposed to be one character per letter. But I can’t decide between these two. Favor is the tough boss and father figure his men need, but Hanley deserves some love because he reads like a perpetually awkward introvert and I empathize with that deeply, as I too am a perpetually awkward introvert.
A – Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV series). I would like to clarify that we are not, by any stretch of the imagination, referring to the reboot. We are talking about the magnificent original full of mullets and 80’s corn and Richard Dean Anderson. That is all.
I – Indiana Jones (the Indiana Jones movies). Gutsy adventurer in a fedora? Brains as well as brawn? Happens to be Han Solo? Sign me up!
L – Lee Crane (Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea TV series). When he’s not getting the absolute crap beat out of him one way or another, Lee is quite the competent commander. He also puts up with Admiral Nelson’s bad, later-season habit of hiding in the lab whipping up nonsensical inventions, so that’s a plus.
What I learned from this exercise is just how many of my favorite fictional characters have names that do not begin with any of the letters in mine, which is rather frustrating. Steve McGarrett, Dave Starsky, Jack Moffitt and Sam Troy, Jack O’Neill, Chip Saunders and William G. Kirby, Jess Harper, John Gage, Sherlock Holmes, Danny Reagan, Joe Gallagher, Mr. Spock, Josh Randall. . .the list goes on, and my name does not. While I go sob over how unfair this all is in the corner, you can try this tag out yourself and see if you too roll nothing but snake eyes in the crap game of life.